Friday, February 7, 2014

Parenting Skills: Positive Reframing

Positive reframing can shore up children’s confidence as well. Credit: iStock

Leo Kanner, author of the first textbook on child psychiatry, used to tell anecdotes about two mothers he knew.

One complained that her sons would spread the Sunday comics on the living room floor to read them.

The other, whose sons had done the same thing as children, said it was one of her fondest memories.

He used to argue that the second mother was the better parent, because she had a more positive attitude.

But what was behind that positive attitude?

Perhaps the mother was thinking about how her children were honing their reading skills. Or, how they were sharing both comics and floor space without fighting.

In other words, she was most likely engaging in what we now call positive reframing, the practice of either focusing on the positive aspects of a bothersome situation or just looking at it differently.

Positive reframing helps us see our children, and our children see themselves in a more favourable light.

If this approach is applied to how we view children, the technique can prevent us from overreacting.

Adolescents
When an adolescent does all those adolescent things, such as leaving her room a mess and spending too much time texting, we can take refuge in the knowledge that by challenging authority and connecting with friends, she is working through an important developmental stage.

Positive reframing can help us understand children from different cultures, too.

For example, Native American students often resist participating in competitive learning games such as spelling bees, causing some teachers to see them as disengaged.

However, when the students' resistance is understood as an expression of a cultural bias toward cooperation over competition, the teacher can see strength in it.

Overcoming Aversions
Applied to helping kids interpret their own behaviour, positive reframing can foster growth. It can help overcome aversions, as it did for one young boy who hated bath time.

Knowing he enjoyed war play, his mother got him to see the bath as a place to enact sea battles, bringing in toy ships and using bubble bath to simulate foamy waves.

The mother of a reluctant eater presented broccoli as "dino trees"—which her "brontosaurus" son would then devour.

Fighting Sleep
A couple with a daughter who resisted going to sleep because her room was dark and scary held a dance party in the dark, after which she associated being in the dark with having a good time.

Positive reframing can shore up children's confidence as well.

On the last play of an important ball game, the right fielder on a children's team I coached, dropped a line-drive fly ball (???), which allowed our opponents to score the winning run.

When the boy came to me distraught, I shared what the pitcher had told me, that his last pitch was too easy to hit, resulting in a hard-to-catch line drive.

I also reminded the boy that before the game, I had denied him time in the outfield to practice 'shagging fly balls.'(???)

He went from thinking he had blown the game to understanding that several factors had contributed to our team's loss.

Finally
Even some of the toughest behaviour problems often respond to positive reframing. For instance, when a first-grader made a beeline for the coloured pencils by walking on chairs and desktops, his teacher said, "That's a great idea to use coloured pencils for your journal and you got them all by yourself."

She went on to suggest that in the future, he keep his feet on the floor, which he agreed to do.

Another teacher, faced with a student, James, who suddenly jumped up from a class meeting and started to dance, turned to his classmates and said matter-of-factly, "James likes to dance." James responded by sitting down and rejoining the meeting.

The developmental psychologist Jerome Bruner praises the unflappable Head Start teacher who, while reading "Little Red Riding Hood" to her young students, was stopped short at the famous lines "All the better to eat you!" line.

At this point, one little boy leapt to his feet, furious, and began cursing the wolf, swearing like a sailor. The teacher simply reflected to herself on how much meaning the boy was finding in the story and then asked him how he would have written it differently. The question got him thinking and quieted him down.

We might try to emulate that teacher's self-possession and know-how the next time a kid's shenanigans drive us to salty language ourselves.

Remember, looking on the bright side is for anyone who wants to help children develop while preserving their own sanity.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Writing a Better CV

Creating a winning CV is a feat of strategy involving focus, wording, design, and content selection.

To achieve a career marketing document that wins interviews, all areas of the strategy must be spot-on and consciously used in the most effective manner.

One of the most common mistakes job candidates make when writing their CVs is the mistake of not paying attention to strategy and word selection.

There are actually words that are commonly used on CVs that can have a detrimental impact on the effectiveness of the CV.

When most job candidates write their own CVs, they don't consider word choice because they are primarily worried about getting down the basic information.

Verbiage is critical and the wrong word choice can sabotage your CV.

The average agent and/or hiring manager sees hundreds of CVs from qualified candidates. CVs begin to look and sound the same to them. Here are some words and phrases to avoid:

Soft-skill Descriptions
Job seekers feel they need to communicate their soft-skills to the employer because they believe they are the traits that make them unique. There is nothing further from the truth. Soft-skills are so common that hiring managers pay no attention to them.

Soft-skill phrases to avoid or severely limit:

  • Excellent communication skills
  • Strong work ethic
  • Personable presenter
  • Detail-oriented

Do not bore the reader to tears with these trite, overused and tired phrases. After all, no one will write that he/she takes long lunches, is lazy, and argues a lot with peers.

Hence, it is much more effective to write description that is action-based and demonstrates these abilities rather than just laying claim to them.

For example, rather than just stating you are an "excellent presenter," you could say "Developed and presented 50+ multi-media presentations to prospects resulting in 35 new accounts totalling £300,000 in new revenues."

Age, Health, Appearance
Many seasoned job seekers are facing that scary time warp known as pre-retirement and fear age discrimination. They feel they can counter this perceived hurdle by giving description of their age or health. Such description can be death to a CV because rather than helping, it significantly hurts.

Age, health, appearance phrases to avoid:
- Youthful
- Athletic
- Fit
- Healthy
- Mature

Additionally, unless specifically requested, there is no need to include personal information such as date of birth, marital status, children or other similar information. This information is typically used to exclude candidates from consideration in the hiring process rather than include them. Unless the employer specifically asks, keep this information confidential.

Passive Voice
Many people write in passive voice because that is how we've been taught to write "formally" in lower school composition. The problem with passive voice, however, is that it is just that -- passive! A CV needs to have punch and sparkle and communicate an active, aggressive candidate. Passive voice does not accomplish that.

Indicators of the passive voice:

- Responsible for
- Duties included
- Served as
- Actions encompassed

Rather than saying "Responsible for management of three direct reports" change it up to "Managed 3 direct reports." It is a shorter, more direct mode of writing and adds impact to the way the CV reads.

On the flip side, whilst action verbs are great, don't overdo it. I have actually seen:
- Smashed numbers through the roof
- Electrified sales team to produce
- Pushed close rate by 10 per cent

Consider your word choice in a CV
A CV is a marketing document for your career just as a brochure is a marketing document for a product or service.

Companies put careful thought and consideration into each and every word that goes into marketing copy and you should do the same in your CV.

These words stand in your place with the employer and need to showcase you in a powerful way. In a perfect world, these things would not matter, but in the reality of job search today, they matter a great deal. 

Be wise -- stop and give some thought to the words you choose.