Parenting Skills: Positive Reframing

Positive reframing can shore up children’s confidence as well. Credit: iStock

Leo Kanner, author of the first textbook on child psychiatry, used to tell anecdotes about two mothers he knew.

One complained that her sons would spread the Sunday comics on the living room floor to read them.

The other, whose sons had done the same thing as children, said it was one of her fondest memories.

He used to argue that the second mother was the better parent, because she had a more positive attitude.

But what was behind that positive attitude?

Perhaps the mother was thinking about how her children were honing their reading skills. Or, how they were sharing both comics and floor space without fighting.

In other words, she was most likely engaging in what we now call positive reframing, the practice of either focusing on the positive aspects of a bothersome situation or just looking at it differently.

Positive reframing helps us see our children, and our children see themselves in a more favourable light.

If this approach is applied to how we view children, the technique can prevent us from overreacting.

Adolescents
When an adolescent does all those adolescent things, such as leaving her room a mess and spending too much time texting, we can take refuge in the knowledge that by challenging authority and connecting with friends, she is working through an important developmental stage.

Positive reframing can help us understand children from different cultures, too.

For example, Native American students often resist participating in competitive learning games such as spelling bees, causing some teachers to see them as disengaged.

However, when the students' resistance is understood as an expression of a cultural bias toward cooperation over competition, the teacher can see strength in it.

Overcoming Aversions
Applied to helping kids interpret their own behaviour, positive reframing can foster growth. It can help overcome aversions, as it did for one young boy who hated bath time.

Knowing he enjoyed war play, his mother got him to see the bath as a place to enact sea battles, bringing in toy ships and using bubble bath to simulate foamy waves.

The mother of a reluctant eater presented broccoli as "dino trees"—which her "brontosaurus" son would then devour.

Fighting Sleep
A couple with a daughter who resisted going to sleep because her room was dark and scary held a dance party in the dark, after which she associated being in the dark with having a good time.

Positive reframing can shore up children's confidence as well.

On the last play of an important ball game, the right fielder on a children's team I coached, dropped a line-drive fly ball (???), which allowed our opponents to score the winning run.

When the boy came to me distraught, I shared what the pitcher had told me, that his last pitch was too easy to hit, resulting in a hard-to-catch line drive.

I also reminded the boy that before the game, I had denied him time in the outfield to practice 'shagging fly balls.'(???)

He went from thinking he had blown the game to understanding that several factors had contributed to our team's loss.

Finally
Even some of the toughest behaviour problems often respond to positive reframing. For instance, when a first-grader made a beeline for the coloured pencils by walking on chairs and desktops, his teacher said, "That's a great idea to use coloured pencils for your journal and you got them all by yourself."

She went on to suggest that in the future, he keep his feet on the floor, which he agreed to do.

Another teacher, faced with a student, James, who suddenly jumped up from a class meeting and started to dance, turned to his classmates and said matter-of-factly, "James likes to dance." James responded by sitting down and rejoining the meeting.

The developmental psychologist Jerome Bruner praises the unflappable Head Start teacher who, while reading "Little Red Riding Hood" to her young students, was stopped short at the famous lines "All the better to eat you!" line.

At this point, one little boy leapt to his feet, furious, and began cursing the wolf, swearing like a sailor. The teacher simply reflected to herself on how much meaning the boy was finding in the story and then asked him how he would have written it differently. The question got him thinking and quieted him down.

We might try to emulate that teacher's self-possession and know-how the next time a kid's shenanigans drive us to salty language ourselves.

Remember, looking on the bright side is for anyone who wants to help children develop while preserving their own sanity.

Writing a Better CV

Creating a winning CV is a feat of strategy involving focus, wording, design, and content selection.

To achieve a career marketing document that wins interviews, all areas of the strategy must be spot-on and consciously used in the most effective manner.

One of the most common mistakes job candidates make when writing their CVs is the mistake of not paying attention to strategy and word selection.

There are actually words that are commonly used on CVs that can have a detrimental impact on the effectiveness of the CV.

When most job candidates write their own CVs, they don't consider word choice because they are primarily worried about getting down the basic information.

Verbiage is critical and the wrong word choice can sabotage your CV.

The average agent and/or hiring manager sees hundreds of CVs from qualified candidates. CVs begin to look and sound the same to them. Here are some words and phrases to avoid:

Soft-skill Descriptions
Job seekers feel they need to communicate their soft-skills to the employer because they believe they are the traits that make them unique. There is nothing further from the truth. Soft-skills are so common that hiring managers pay no attention to them.

Soft-skill phrases to avoid or severely limit:

• Excellent communication skills
• Strong work ethic
• Personable presenter
• Detail-oriented

Do not bore the reader to tears with these trite, overused and tired phrases. After all, no one will write that he/she takes long lunches, is lazy, and argues a lot with peers.

Hence, it is much more effective to write description that is action-based and demonstrates these abilities rather than just laying claim to them.

For example, rather than just stating you are an "excellent presenter," you could say "Developed and presented 50+ multi-media presentations to prospects resulting in 35 new accounts totalling £300,000 in new revenues."

Age, Health, Appearance
Many seasoned job seekers are facing that scary time warp known as pre-retirement and fear age discrimination. They feel they can counter this perceived hurdle by giving description of their age or health. Such description can be death to a CV because rather than helping, it significantly hurts.

Age, health, appearance phrases to avoid:
- Youthful
- Athletic
- Fit
- Healthy
- Mature

Additionally, unless specifically requested, there is no need to include personal information such as date of birth, marital status, children or other similar information. This information is typically used to exclude candidates from consideration in the hiring process rather than include them. Unless the employer specifically asks, keep this information confidential.

Passive Voice
Many people write in passive voice because that is how we've been taught to write "formally" in lower school composition. The problem with passive voice, however, is that it is just that -- passive! A CV needs to have punch and sparkle and communicate an active, aggressive candidate. Passive voice does not accomplish that.

Indicators of the passive voice:

- Responsible for
- Duties included
- Served as
- Actions encompassed

Rather than saying "Responsible for management of three direct reports" change it up to "Managed 3 direct reports." It is a shorter, more direct mode of writing and adds impact to the way the CV reads.

On the flip side, whilst action verbs are great, don't overdo it. I have actually seen:
- Smashed numbers through the roof
- Electrified sales team to produce
- Pushed close rate by 10 per cent

Consider your word choice in a CV
A CV is a marketing document for your career just as a brochure is a marketing document for a product or service.

Companies put careful thought and consideration into each and every word that goes into marketing copy and you should do the same in your CV.

These words stand in your place with the employer and need to showcase you in a powerful way. In a perfect world, these things would not matter, but in the reality of job search today, they matter a great deal. 

Be wise -- stop and give some thought to the words you choose.

Peculiar behaviours witnessed in job interviews

Are you on the job hunt and ready to go on your next interview?

Then you should definitely be prepared to avoid the most common interview mistakes.

Dress appropriately, turn off your cell phone, do your research about the company and prepare the most common interview questions.

Appearing disinterested is the No. 1 turnoff for employers.

Also trying too hard to make a lasting impression on a prospective employer in an interview could backfire.

The most common and most outlandish job interview mistakes to avoid, hiring managers provided real-life examples of the most peculiar behaviours they witnessed in job interviews:

• Being asked about the reasons why he quit his last position in a bank, a candidate said it was because he was always tempted to steal.
• Another jobseeker denied that he had a cell phone with him even though it could be heard ringing in the briefcase beside him.
• The next candidate emptied the employer's candy dish into her pocket.
• This applicant was quite honest about his weaknesses. He said he didn't like getting up early and didn't like to read.
• Trying to hide away from the taxman? The candidate asked to be paid "under the table."
• He must have meant it as a friendly gesture. The candidate reached over and placed a hand on the interviewer's knee.
• The candidate commented that he would do whatever it takes to get the job done, legal or not.
• This candidate's interview must have gone really well. He hugged the president of the company.
• The next jobseeker must have been very hungry. He called his wife to see what they were having for dinner.
• Another candidate asked to postpone the start date so she could still get holiday gifts from vendors at her current job.
• This job applicant called in sick to her current employer during the interview, faking an illness.
• The candidate said he didn't want the job if he had to work a lot.
• The next jobseeker wouldn't answer a question because he thought they would steal his idea and not hire him.

A job interview can be one of the most nerve-wracking experiences out there, so it's important to plan and practice.

Have a friend run through a mock interview with you, asking questions you think will come up and some curve balls you're not expecting.

Thoroughly research the company ahead of time and draft responses that incorporate your accomplishments.
The more prepared you are, the less likely you are to run into mishaps.

Interview Body Language

It takes just seconds for an interviewer to make a judgement about a candidate - often before they even speak.

'Human beings use many channels of communication to express themselves.'

'In the past, it was thought that verbal channels were the most important - i.e., what a person expresses in words and writing - but in recent years the study of non-verbal communication has made some interesting discoveries.

'We now know that humans are highly skilled at reading each other's body language to understand what a person is thinking and feeling, and that we do this subconsciously.'

In fact, experts estimate that 93 per cent of the information we receive about any situation comes non-verbally rather than verbally.

'We make our initial judgement about a person based almost entirely on their body language in as little as 20 seconds.'

In an interview situation, those seconds could have a major impact on your future.

Make eye contact
You'll want to establish rapport with the interviewer as quickly as possible - and eye contact, along with a warm smile, is one of the best ways to make a connection.

'Good eye contact tells your interviewer that you are confident enough to - literally - look them in the eye. It also creates a relationship between you, albeit temporarily, that makes them more sympathetic to you.'

While that may sound simple enough, getting it right isn't always easy. The difference between just enough and too much can be subtle.

'Hold eye contact too strongly or for too long and it can seem threatening.'

'Instead, look towards the interviewer's eyes for a while, then away - focussing on their mouth as they speak rather than staring into their eyes.'

Don't forget to smile either. If you're feeling anxious you're likely to frown, but a smile - even a nervous one - can help to get things off to a friendly start.

The hand shake
While most body language cues are interpreted subconsciously, the hand shake is a physical contact that the interview is likely to remember.

Confidence is key here - a limp handshake or a barely-there connection can be awkward, so take the offered hand confidently. While it should be firm, avoid a crushing pressure.

Few of us shake hands every day - if you're not confident, enlist the help of friends to feedback on your handshake and practice until it comes naturally.

Take a seat...
Once the introductions and small talk is over, you'll be invited to take a seat - here again, body language matters.

'When you sit down, face your interviewer directly then angle yourself ever so slightly. Sitting opposite them shows you're confident and honest, while positioning yourself at a slight angle avoids coming across as confrontational.'

'And try to avoid any positions that may seem even unconsciously sexual - crossed legs in a short skirt for her or open legs for him.'

Many candidates make the mistake of concentrating too hard on what they want to get across - rather than listening to what's being asked.

Paying attention - and demonstrating that through your body language - can help in more ways than one.

'A slight tilt of the head as the interviewer talks will let them feel listened to and taken seriously - while some (but not too many gestures) as you talk will help them focus and pay more attention to what you're saying.'

Sitting upright and leaning in slightly will also signal that you're interested in what's being said.

'While it's not a good idea to spend your interview grinning broadly, try to avoid scowling or frowning.'

'An interviewer - like all other human beings - wants to feel you are friendly, so smiling appropriately at their comments, as well as nodding when you agree, will help them warm to you,' adds Susan.

Mirror with confidence
A more advanced form of building rapport is to use the mirroring technique - where you deliberately match your body language to that of the other person.

'There's a lot been written about the importance of "mirroring" gesture and expression as a way to build rapport quickly.'

'It does work, but only when it's genuinely a sign that you are in tune with your interviewer; mirror as a deliberate strategy and any experienced interviewer will spot your intention and mark you down.'

'A better and more subtle way is to relax, soften your body language, and observe your interviewer, allowing yourself to follow their posture, gesture and expression naturally as you feel more in tune with them.

Body language beyond the interview
Improving your awareness of body language doesn't just help during the interview - it can also prove useful throughout the rest of your career.

'You can use your own body language to create rapport and cooperation in others by making sure that you are "in step" with them.

'For example, a stressful meeting can often be de-stressed by pitching your voice tone to match others - then when you've got their attention, gradually lowering the volume of what you are saying to calm the atmosphere.'

While knowledge of body language can be useful for spotting what people are thinking and feeling, Susan is keen to point out that there are no "rules".

'You can't say one signal means one thing, such as crossed arms and defensiveness - it could be that someone is crossing their arms to keep warm in a cold room.

But if you know that a colleague usually does cross his arms when he's defensive, remember that signal and - if you see it - act to defuse the situation.'

14 Ways to Acquire Knowledge - James T. Mangan

1. PRACTICE and perseverence
Consider the knowledge you already have – the things you really know you can do. They are the things you have done over and over; practiced them so often that they became second nature.

Every normal person knows how to walk and talk. But he could never have acquired this knowledge without practice and persistence. 

For the young child can't do the things that are easy for older people without first doing them over and over and over. …

Most of us quit on the first or second attempt. But the man who is really going to be educated, who intends to know, is going to stay with it until it is done. Practice and persevere!

2. ASK
Any normal child, at about the age of three or four, reaches the asking period, the time when that quickly developing brain is most eager for knowledge.

"When?" "Where?" "How?" "What?" and "Why?" begs the child – but all too often the reply is "Keep still!" "Leave me alone!" "Don't be a pest!"

Those first bitter refusals to our honest questions of childhood all too often squelch our "Asking faculty." We grow up to be men and women, still eager for knowledge, but afraid and ashamed to ask how to get it. …

Every person possessing knowledge is more than willing to communicate what he knows to any serious, sincere person who asks.

The question never makes the asker seem foolish or childish – rather, to ask is to command the respect of the other person who in the act of helping you is drawn closer to you, likes you better and will go out of his way on any future occasion to share his knowledge with you.

Ask! When you ask, you have to be humble. You have to admit you don't know! But what's so terrible about that?

Everybody knows that no man knows everything, and to ask is merely to let the other know that you are honest about things pertaining to knowledge.

3. DESIRE
You never learn much until you really want to learn. A million people have said: "Gee, I wish I were musical!" "If I only could do that!" or "How I wish I had a good education!" But they were only talking words – they didn't mean it. …

Desire is the foundation of all learning and you can only climb up the ladder of knowledge by desiring to learn. …

If you don't desire to learn you're either a numskull or a "know-it-all" and the world wants nothing to do with either type of individual. We have plenty already.

4. GET IT FROM YOURSELF
You may be surprised to hear that you already know a great deal! It's all inside you – it's all there – you couldn't live as long as you have and not be full of knowledge. …

Most of your knowledge, however – and this is the great difference between non-education and education – is not in shape to be used, you haven't it on the tip of your tongue.

It's hidden, buried away down inside of you – and because you can't see it, you think it isn't there.

Knowledge is knowledge only when it takes a shape, when it can be put into words, or reduced to a principle – and it's now up to you to go to work on your own gold mine, to refine the crude ore.

5. WALK AROUND IT
Any time you see something new or very special, if the thing is resting on the ground, as your examination and inspection proceeds, you find that you eventually walk around it.

You desire to know the thing better by looking at it from all angles. … To acquire knowledge walk around the thing studied.

The thing is not only what you touch, what you see; it has many other sides, many other conditions, many other relations which you cannot know until you study it from all angles.

The narrow mind stays rooted in one spot; the broad mind is free, inquiring, unprejudiced; it seeks to learn "both sides of the story."

Don't screen off from your own consciousness the bigger side of your work. Don't be afraid you'll harm yourself if you have to change a preconceived opinion. Have a free, broad, open mind!

Be fair to the thing studied as well as to yourself. When it comes up for your examination, walk around it! The short trip will bring long knowledge.

6. EXPERIMENT
The world honours the man who is eager to plant new seeds of study today so he may harvest a fresh crop of knowledge tomorrow.

The world is sick of the man who is always harking back to the past and thinks everything wroth knowing has already been learned. … Respect the past, take what it offers, but don't live in it.

To learn, experiment! Try something new. See what happens. Lindbergh experimented when he flew the Atlantic. Pasteur experimented with bacteria and made cow's milk safe for the human race. Franklin experimented with a kite and introduced electricity.

The greatest experiment is nearly always a solo. The individual, seeking to learn, tries something new but only tries it on himself.

If he fails, he has hurt only himself. If he succeeds he has made a discovery many people can use. Experiment only with your own time, your own money, your own labor.

That's the honest, sincere type of experiment. It's rich. The cheap experiment is to use other people's money, other people's destinies, other people's bodies as if they were guinea pigs.

7. TEACH
If you would have knowledge, knowledge sure and sound, teach. Teach your children, teach your associates, teach your friends. In the very act of teaching, you will learn far more than your best pupil. …

Knowledge is relative; you possess it in degrees. You know more about reading, writing, and arithmetic than your young child. But teach that child at every opportunity; try to pass on to him all you know, and the very attempt will produce a great deal more knowledge inside your own brain.

8. READ
From time immemorial it has been commonly understood that the best way to acquire knowledge was to read. That is not true.

Reading is only one way to knowledge, and in the writer's opinion, not the best way but you can surely learn from reading if you read in the proper manner.

What you read is important, but not all important. How you read is the main consideration. For if you know how to read, there's a world of education even in the newspapers, the magazines, on a single billboard or a stray advertising dodger.

The secret of good reading is this: read critically!

Somebody wrote that stuff you're reading. It was a definite individual, working with a pen, pencil or typewriter – the writing came from his mind and his only.

If you were face to face with him and listening instead of reading, you would be a great deal more critical than the average reader is.

Listening, you would weigh his personality, you would form some judgment about his truthfulness, his ability.

But by reading, you drop all judgment, and swallow his words whole – just as if the act of printing the thing made it true! …

If you must read to acquire knowledge, read critically. Believe nothing till it's understood, till it's clearly proven.

9. WRITE
To know it – write it! If you're writing to explain, you're explaining it to yourself! If you're writing to inspire, you're inspiring yourself! If you're writing to record, you're recording it on your own memory.

How often you have written something down to be sure you would have a record of it, only to find that you never needed the written record because you had learned it by heart! …

The men of the best memories are those who make notes, who write things down. They just don't write to remember, they write to learn and because they DO learn by writing, they seldom need to consult their notes, they have brilliant, amazing memories.

How different from the glib, slipshod individual who is too proud or too lazy to write, who trusts everything to memory, forgets so easily, and possesses so little real knowledge. …

Write! Writing, to knowledge, is a certified check. You know what you know once you have written it down!

10. LISTEN
You have a pair of ears – use them! When the other man talks, give him a chance. Pay attention. If you listen you may hear something useful to you.

If you listen you may receive a warning that is worth following. If you listen, you may earn the respect of those whose respect you prize.

Pay attention to the person speaking. Contemplate the meaning of his words, the nature of his thoughts. Grasp and retain the truth.

Of all the ways to acquire knowledge, this way requires least effort on your part. You hardly have to do any work. You are bound to pick up information. It's easy, it's surefire.

11. OBSERVE
Keep your eyes open. There are things happening, all around you, all the time. The scene of events is interesting, illuminating, full of news and meaning.

It's a great show – an impressive parade of things worth knowing. Admission is free – keep your eyes open. …

There are only two kinds of experience: the experience of ourselves and the experience of others. Our own experience is slow, laboured, costly, and often hard to bear.

The experience of others is a ready-made set of directions on knowledge and life. Their experience is free; we need suffer none of their hardships; we may collect on all their good deeds. All we have to do is observe!

Observe! Especially the good man, the valorous deed. Observe the winner that you yourself may strive to follow that winning example and learn the scores of different means and devices that make success possible.

Observe! Observe the loser that you may escape his mistakes, avoid the pitfalls that dragged him down.

Observe the listless, indifferent, neutral people who do nothing, know nothing, are nothing. Observe them and then differ from them.

12. PUT IN ORDER
Order is Heaven's first law and the only good knowledge is orderly knowledge! You must put your information and your thoughts in order before you can effectively handle your own knowledge.

Otherwise you will jump around in conversation like a grasshopper, your arguments will be confused and distributed, your brain will be in a dizzy whirl all the time.

13. DEFINE
A definition is a statement about a thing which includes everything the thing is and excludes everything it is not.

A definition of a chair must include every chair, whether it be kitchen chair, a high chair, a dentist's chair, or the electric chair, It must exclude everything which isn't a chair, even those things which come close, such as a stool, a bench, a sofa. …

I am sorry to state that until you can so define a chair or a door (or a thousand other everyday familiar objects) you don't really know what these things are.

You may have the ability to recognize them and describe them but you can't tell what their nature is. Your knowledge is not exact.

14. REASON
Animals have knowledge but only men can reason. The better you can reason the farther you separate yourself from animals.

The process by which you reason is known as logic. Logic teaches you how to derive a previously unknown truth from the facts already at hand. Logic teaches you how to be sure whether what you think is true is really true. …

Logic is the supreme avenue to intellectual truth. Don't ever despair of possessing a logical mind. You don't have to study it for years, read books and digest a mountain of data. All you have to remember is one word – compare.

Compare all points in a proposition. Note the similarity – that tells you something new. Note the difference – that tells you something new. Then take the new things you've found and check them against established laws or principles.

This is logic. This is reason. This is knowledge in its highest form.

James T. Mangan

The Writer's Technique in Thirteen Theses

THE WRITER'S TECHNIQUE IN THIRTEEN THESES

1. Anyone intending to embark on a major work should be lenient with himself and, having completed a stint, deny himself nothing that will not prejudice the next.
2. Talk about what you have written, by all means, but do not read from it while the work is in progress. Every gratification procured in this way will slacken your tempo. If this regime is followed, the growing desire to communicate will become in the end a motor for completion.
3. In your working conditions avoid everyday mediocrity. Semi-relaxation, to a background of insipid sounds, is degrading. On the other hand, accompaniment by an etude or a cacophony of voices can become as significant for work as the perceptible silence of the night. If the latter sharpens the inner ear, the former acts as a touchstone for a diction ample enough to bury even the most wayward sounds.
4. Avoid haphazard writing materials. A pedantic adherence to certain papers, pens, inks is beneficial. No luxury, but an abundance of these utensils is indispensable.
5. Let no thought pass incognito, and keep your notebook as strictly as the authorities keep their register of aliens.
6. Keep your pen aloof from inspiration, which it will then attract with magnetic power. The more circumspectly you delay writing down an idea, the more maturely developed it will be on surrendering itself. Speech conquers thought, but writing commands it.
7. Never stop writing because you have run out of ideas. Literary honour requires that one break off only at an appointed moment (a mealtime, a meeting) or at the end of the work.
8. Fill the lacunae of inspiration by tidily copying out what is already written. Intuition will awaken in the process.
9. Nulla dies sine linea ['No day without a line'] – but there may well be weeks.
10. Consider no work perfect over which you have not once sat from evening to broad daylight.
11. Do not write the conclusion of a work in your familiar study. You would not find the necessary courage there.
12. Stages of composition: idea – style – writing. The value of the fair copy is that in producing it you confine attention to calligraphy. The idea kills inspiration, style fetters the idea, writing pays off style.
13. The work is the death mask of its conception.

How to Write with Style for the US Market - Vonnegut

Kurt Vonnegut outlines eight rules for great writing:

Find a Subject You Care About
Find a subject you care about and which you in your heart feel others should care about.

It is this genuine caring, and not your games with language, which will be the most compelling and seductive element in your style.

I am not urging you to write a novel, by the way — although I would not be sorry if you wrote one, provided you genuinely cared about something.

A petition to the mayor about a pothole in front of your hose or a love letter to the girl next door will do.

Do Not Ramble, Though I won’t ramble on about that.

Keep It Simple
As for your use of language: Remember that two great masters of language, William shakespeare and James Joyce, wrote sentences which were almost childlike when their subjects were most profound. ‘To be or not to be?’ asks Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

The longest word is three letters long. Joyce, when he was frisky, could put together a sentence as intricate and as glittering as a necklace for Cleopatra, but my favorite sentence in his short story ‘Eveline’ is just this one: ‘She was tired.’ At that point in the story, no other words could break the heart of a reader as those three words do.

Simplicity of language is not only reputable, but perhaps even sacred. The Bible opens with a sentence well within the writing skills of a lively fourteen-year-old: ‘In the beginning God created the heaven and earth.’

Have the Guts to Cut
It may be that you, too, are capable of making necklaces for Cleopatra, so to speak, but your eloquence should be the servant of the ideas in your head. Your rule might be this: If a sentence, no matter how excellent, does not illuminate your subject in some new and useful way, scratch it out.

Sound like Yourself
The writing style which is most natural for you is bound to echo the speech you heard when a child. English was the novelist Joseph Conrad’s third language, and much that seems piquant in his use of English was no doubt coloured by his first language, which was Polish.

Lucky indeed is the writer who has grown up in Ireland, for the English spoken there is so amusing and musical. I myself grew up in Indianapolis, where common speech sounds like a band saw cutting galvanized tin, and employs a vocabulary as un-ornamental as a monkey wrench.

I find that I trust my own writing most when I sound most like a person from Indianapolis, which is what I am. Others seem to trust it most, too.

What alternatives do I have? The one most vehemently recommended by teachers has no doubt been pressed on you, as well: to write like a cultivated Englishmen of a century or more ago.

Say What You Mean to Say
I used to be exasperated by such teachers, but no more. I understand now that all those antique essays and stories, against which I was to compare my own work, were not magnificent for their dated-ness or foreign-ness, but for saying precisely what their authors meant them to say.

My teachers wished me to write accurately, always selecting the most effective words, and relating the words to one another unambiguously, rigidly, like parts of a machine.

The teachers did not want to turn me into an Englishman after all. They hoped that I would become understandable — and therefore understood.

Consequently, there strated my dream of doing with words what Pablo Picasso did with paint or what any number of jazz idols did with music.

If I broke all the rules of punctuation, had words mean whatever I wanted them to mean, and strung them together higgledly-piggledy, I would simply not be understood.

So you, too, had better avoid Picasso-style or jazz-style writing if you have something worth saying and wish to be understood.

Readers want our pages to look very much like pages they have seen before. Why? This is because they themselves have a tough job to do, and they need all the help they can get from us.

Pity the Readers
Readers have to identify thousands of little marks on paper, and make sense of them immediately. They have to read, an art so difficult that most people don’t really master it even after having studied it all through grade school and high school — twelve long years.

So this discussion must finally acknowledge that our stylistic options as writers are neither numerous nor glamorous, since our readers are bound to be such imperfect artists.

Our audience requires us to be sympathetic and patient teachers, ever willing to simplify and clarify, whereas we would rather soar high above the crowd, singing like nightingales.

That is the bad news. The good news is that we Americans are governed under a unique constitution, which allows us to write whatever we please without fear of punishment.

So, the most meaningful aspect of our styles, which is what we choose to write about, is utterly unlimited.

For Really Detailed Advice
For a discussion of literary style in a narrower sense, a more technical sense, I commend to your attention The Elements of Style, by Strunk, Jr., and E. B. White.

Arguably, E.B. White is, one of the most admirable literary stylists this country (US) has so far produced.

You should realize, too, that no one would care how well or badly Mr. White expressed himself if he did not have perfectly enchanting things to say.

Further Reading
For more timeless wisdom on writing;

• H. P. Lovecraft’s advice to aspiring writers, 
• F. Scott Fitzgerald’s letter to his daughter, 
• Zadie Smith’s 10 rules of writing, 
• Kurt Vonnegut’s 8 guidelines for a great story, 
• David Ogilvy’s 10 no-bullshit tips, 
• Henry Miller’s 11 commandments, 
• Jack Kerouac’s 30 beliefs and techniques, 
• John Steinbeck’s 6 pointers, 
• Neil Gaiman’s 8 rules, 
• Margaret Atwood’s 10 practical tips, and 
• Susan Sontag’s synthesized learnings.